Mother's Day Recap (blogging vs. reality)

Blogging can easily have a smoke and mirrors effect. It's one of the biggest complaints from readers. Our posts can often leave a reader feeling very inadequate. It's one of my biggest struggles with blogging. Let me give you an example...

Mother's Day recap (blogging version)
It's Mother's Day! My husband and kids wake up early and scramble to the kitchen to prepare a delicious breakfast. They quickly make sure every detail is covered before placing it all on a tray to bring to me in bed. My door creaks open then I hear the glorious voices of my sweet angels singing "Happy Mother's Day to you" to the tune of 'Happy Birthday.' I sat up in bed and welcomed the tray of goodies and sweet loves from my family. Words of gratitude poured out of their mouths as they acknowledged what a wonderful mom they're blessed to have. I finish my breakfast while basking in the glow of my family's love. Wow, what an amazing Mother's Day!

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Mother's Day recap (real version)
It's Mother's Day! John coerces the kids out of bed early enough to fix me breakfast in bed. One child pleasantly abides while the other awakes with a scowl. The door creaks open and I'm serenaded with the birthday song only this time they've replaced 'birthday' with 'mother's day.'  The tray of oatmeal and coffee is placed on my lap and immediately it's bumped by a rambunctious child. Anyone every tried coffee IN their oatmeal?  Reed unzips his pillow and announces he's the only one who actually got me a present and hands me $6! I finish my oatmeal and sip on my coffee as the wrestling begins and quickly ends, as that same rambunctious child hits John's coffee causing scalding liquid to spill all over his arm and our white quilt. John's temper shows, for the first time ever (literally) as the kids retreat to their rooms and I begin the 3 loads of laundry now required to clean up this mess. Wow, what an amazing Mother's Day!

Isn't it funny how a few flowery words and editing can make a very normal event seem like it's the best thing ever? Isn't it funny how we're often scared to show people the 'spilled coffee' moments in our lives for fear of not being perfect?

Well, friends, if you gave me the choice between the blogging version of Mother's day vs. the real version, I'd pick the real version a thousand times over. In reality, I giggled inside as all the craziness went down. It's so my family and I wouldn't expect anything different. I even told John thank you for showing his temper. In fact, that was the BEST Mother's Day present ever. For one day, just one day, the kids realized mommy's not always the monster but daddy's capable of it too!

Recipe for a good life

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I love a good recipe, don't you? According to the quote above, there's a very simple recipe for a good life. Do yourself a favor, take a minute to double check you have all the right ingredients.

Good Life Ingredients: 

1) Assume nothing: How many times have we caused trouble for ourselves simply because we tried to read between the lines and got it wrong? Let's practice being more transparent with each other and remove the need to assume.

2) Do more: If it improves your life or the life of another...do it! If it's good...do it! If it's fun...do it! Get it? Doing more can be a good thing.

3) Need less: If we're honest with ourselves, we have so much more than we actually need. Reassess your way of thinking and your definition of the word need.

4) Smile often: Next time you're in a bad mood, force yourself to smile. You'll be amazed at how hard it is to stay in that bad mood. Then, smile at someone else and watch how contagious it is.

5) Dream big: Go on, give yourself permission to run full speed ahead and chase your dreams. Ignore the obstacles and go, go, go! Don't allow things that don't matter to get in your way. Think positive!

6) Laugh often: No giggles allowed here, it must be a full on belly laugh...one that makes you cry. You know, the laugh where you can't even catch your breath. Those are the best, aren't they?

7) Realize how blessed you are: This is an area of life where it's perfectly okay to keep track. In fact, go ahead, keep count and name them one by one!

Are you ready to bake up a good life or do you need to stop by the store on the way home for a missing ingredient?

Marriage and Resentment through the lens of Transparency

How often do you think about your wedding day? If you're not married, you may think of it often as you dream of the details and relish in the anticipated gushy feelings. But if you are married, do you ever let your mind wander to your magical day?!

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Isn't it hard to believe that those gushy feelings will subside one day and may be replaced with scary feelings like, "Oh my goodness, I'm not sure I even like this person anymore."?

It's Transparent Tuesday, friends. My transparency today has to do with a sticky topic...the 7 year itch. Guess what?...I experienced it like no other. I vividly remember desperately crying and telling John that, " I wasn't sure I even loved him anymore." Yes, those words actually escaped my lips!

Let's rewind the clock 7 years and take a peek at that phase of life for us. Bryn was 3y.o. and Reed was  15 months old. Enough said, right? I had toddlers draining every last ounce of my being. I was being physically touched all day long. I was giving, giving, giving all day, both emotionally and physically. By the time John arrived home from work, I was really tired of giving and resentment set in. 

Instead of talking about these feelings, I let them take root and begin to take up space in my heart. Hence, the conversation that horrible night when I uttered the worst words ever to be spoken throughout our 14 years of marriage. How did John react? Honestly, I think God put earmuffs over his ears because to this very day he swears he's never heard me say them. My ugliness would have crushed him, yet the sound of my voice didn't even register during that tiny second of our conversation. How is that even possible?!

Once I shared my feelings and let go of my resentment, our marriage was finally able to begin healing. John made it very clear to me that divorce was NOT an option between the two of us. Pretty sure he informed me of this within the first month of dating. He had lived it as a child and didn't want to live it as an adult.

Can I just tell you how happy I am that he was so convicted with his feelings? His ability to hold steadfast has carried us through to where we are today. When I was running yesterday, I was praying for him as I typically do. I thanked God that he created a man that I love more today than I did even on our wedding day. Our ups and downs and bumps and bruises have molded us into the couple we are meant to be. Are we perfect? Heck no! We're just willing to put in the hard work that marriage deserves and requires.

If you're feeling the itch or realizing that resentment has its ugly hold on you and your marriage, please allow me to pray for you, friend. Leave me a comment or send me an email: dfrieling1@gmail.com. Prayer is an amazing weapon during your most difficult times.

Transparent Tuesday

In light of being transparent, we're going to learn a lesson from my flower beds today.  Here's a quick shot at what my neighbors see as they drive past our house. It looks pretty good, right?

I could show you close ups and tell you how wonderful the flowers are and brag about what a green thumb I have...

Or, I could be transparent and show you what things look like in reality...

Just a tab bit of weeds, dying flowers and overgrown grass creeping into those beautiful river rocks.

As I look at my flower beds this time of year, I often think about how they relate to life. They're beautiful if you're in a moving car and you just glance out the window. But, if you park your car and walk up to my door, the truth is ever so staring you in the face.

Isn't this true of us? We try so hard to make it look like things are good on the outside but in reality our insides are full of weeds. Why are we so quick to think other people have it all together and we're the only one who struggles with nastiness?

I had a friend once share with me that she always assumed I had tons of friends so she never really tried to get to know me. It wasn't until I began approaching her that a friendship developed. It's sad to think that a wrong assumption almost kept us from becoming friends.

Let's challenge each other to live a life of transparency. If we're real with one another then there's no need for wrong assumptions. Let's strive to be accepting of each other's "weeds" and not be judgmental, friends.

Transparent Tuesday

If you'll think back with me to the first Transparent Tuesday post, I told you I was starting this as a means to encourage "realness" and offer prayer to you in order to cover both big and small requests. Well, today friends, is one of those big transparent topics.

Transparent Topic: Life's defining moments

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Have you had one? More than likely, the answer is yes. I'm talking about the type of moment where time stands still and you realize, "Holy cow, this is going to change the entire course of my life!" It may be for better or worse.

Sadly, often these moments are relayed through tragic situations. I can remember sitting in a doctor's office waiting to get test results on a lump in my breast. I couldn't believe that a complete stranger was about to walk through the door to relay information to me that would quite possibly change my life forever. I soaked in my surroundings as I wondered how I would take the news? It was so surreal to me that literally you can go from one moment, living an assumed healthy life, to the next moment being filled with information that you've just received the label of possible tragedy. I was one of the lucky ones. My tests were negative. 

This post today, stems from the recent news of a friend that's fighting for her life as we speak. She's in a coma currently and at one point she had such a high fever that doctors are worried she'll have brain damage when she wakes up. In the blink of an eye, friends, life can change as we know it.

Please let this serve as a reminder to you to hang onto that hug a little longer or take the time to tell a friend how much you appreciate them. Don't take it for granted that there will be tomorrow.

Please pray for my friend and her family. Her husband and 3 kids are in need of a miracle.

Is there something life-changing going on in your life? I'd love the opportunity to pray for you as well. Leave me a comment or email me at dfrieling1@gmail.com.

Transparent Tuesday

Well, I'm breaking the #1 blogging rule of all times today. There are absolutely no pretty pictures in today's post. Sorry, friends, it's about transparency today and you're in for the real deal.

A long time ago, I heard a psychologist on a show talk about what the insides of your cabinets/closets look like and what that says about you. Oh no! There are just so many translations of what you're about to see. That psychologist would have a hay day analyzing me for sure.

Cover your eyes Feast your eyes on the candy cabinet...

 Hello, Mr. Santa. Is there candy in you or are you just hanging out enjoying the view? Would you believe me if I told you I cleaned this area out right before Christmas?!

 Right below that beautiful cabinet of wonderfulness is the ever-so-popular junk drawer. You know how it goes...ring, ring..."Hey! Oh, you're on your way? Great!" Quick...shove it in the drawer so they don't think we're slobs.

 Need a pot? Hope you don't expect to find the lid! It's there though, I promise.

Aaaannnd, the craft closet. This is 100% my junk. I can't blame this mess on anyone else in the family. So wish I could!

So, back to my psychologist friend and his thoughts. I'm thinking he'd nail me with a description like this (based on my closets and cabinets)... "She wants everyone to think she's got it all together, so her outward appearance is generally nice and clean. But man, oh man, look what a hot mess she is on the inside!!!"

No need to leave a comment telling me to stop being so hard on myself. If I were really worried about things, I'd be quick to clean up these messes. But, I can guarantee that if you were to visit in a month or two, these areas would still look like this!

What's going on in your life? Do you need a little encouragement today? Hopefully, you've learned through this post, that I'm no super woman and I'm very much REAL. If there are areas where you're struggling to be real, I'd love to pray for you. Leave me a comment or send me an email: dfrieling1@gmail.com. Prayer is powerful, friends!

Transparent Tuesday

I offer to pray for you guys at the end of each Transparent Tuesday post. I know I've said it before, but I'll say it again. Prayer is an essential part of life and I feel it goes hand-in-hand with transparency. I'm so excited today to be able to share this story with you and after you read it, I hope you'll completely understand why I feel the way I do. 

I not sure I can do this story justice. I feel inadequate to even share it, but it's definitely a story to be shared.

Last weekend by father-in-law and his buddies were getting together for their annual weekend at the coast.  Immediately upon arriving, one of the men was almost in tears. He told the others he had to share something with them before they did anything else. 

Three weeks ago, he had heart surgery and at one point, wasn't expected to live. He's body was shutting down and they were preparing to start dialysis. His wife was feverishly asking others to pray for him. He began saying his good-byes and fully did not expect to make it. 

He shared with his friends that he "had a vision." He said he saw a body laying on a table and a man sitting next to the body. He also saw sparkly lights surrounding the body. He watched intently as the man next to the body began gathering the lights in his hands, rubbed his hands together then sprinkled the lights over the body. After watching this, he realized there was an angel next to him. He asked the angel, "Who is that and what is he doing?" The angel informed him that the man was Jesus and the lights were prayers.

Jesus then looked at the angel and said, "Is that all?" The angel said, "No, there's still more coming." The man realized he was looking at his own body laying on that table and Jesus was using the prayers of his friends, family and even strangers to heal him. He shared with his friends that he felt a sudden feeling of peace.

Are you ready for this?...
He awoke the next morning and was fine. The doctors ran tests and confirmed that there was no reason to start dialysis, because there was nothing wrong with him!


Just 3 short weeks later, he's at the coast with his friends just as planned. The only difference was his deep emotional gratitude for his buddies as he shared his vision and thanked them for being the ones who prayed for his healing!

Do you believe in prayer? I do! Are you in need of prayers today? I'd be honored to have this privilege. Leave me a comment or send me an email: dfrieling1@gmail.com.

Transparent Tuesday

Gee, I start a series and the 2nd post falls on a holiday. What to do, what to do?! I guess you'll get a two-for-one special today, friends. I can't just ignore the fact that it's Valentine's Day, and I love all things heart, so here's a pretty picture to get you in the mood.

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What better way to say love than to say it in over 50 languages from all over the world? That's exactly what creates this cool heart from The Love Shop on etsy. I'll tell ya what I love...the stark contrast of that bright red against the white background. You can't help but notice the art when it's displayed in such a way. Pretty, pretty!

Okay, now it's time to dive into the deep stuff...

First of all, thank you all for such a supportive and nice response to last week's first 'Transparent Tuesday.' You guys are the best and I love getting to know each and every one of you who reaches out, on a more personal level.

So, friends, today's transparency has to do with relationships. Are you struggling with a relationship in your life right now? I've had one relationship in-particular that I've struggled with all of my life...my brother.

Here's a picture of him with my parents at his wedding this past weekend.

He's two-and-a-half years older than me and we've never had the relationship that I've longed for. In recent years I had given up hope, as all we could seem to do is fight with one another. Honestly, there's nothing I can attribute as to the reason we have such struggles. I think that's why it has been so frustrating for me. If there were a 'reason' then I could handle it better, but not knowing why he seemed to dislike me so much would just gnaw at me. I became very defensive whenever he was around because I was tired of getting my heart hurt. I was tired of wanting a relationship with someone who didn't want one with me.

I began praying about our relationship and asking God to "fix it." It was during this time that things seemed to get worse. We'd be around each other at family functions and he appeared to be trying his hardest not to acknowledge me. He'd politely answer any question I'd ask with a one word answer and then the conversation would die. Extremely strained and awkward! What's up, God, aren't you hearing me? Of course He is, but it's all about His timing, not mine.

My brother has a heart of gold and he is a great father, uncle and friend. I could see that in his other relationships and honestly, I was very jealous. He is the only person I've ever wanted to be friends with whom didn't want to be friends with me.

Well, friends, I don't have a huge resolution to share with you today, but I can tell you that the Lord's work was very evident during our time together this past weekend. God granted me peace to accept the situations I cannot change. I dropped my defenses and for the first time, I feel like I left with a glimmer of hope. We had friendly interactions and I actually left town wishing we had more time to spend together which is a huge contrast to the feelings I typically experience!

I share this with you in hopes of encouraging others to become more transparent. I know I'm not the only one who has a strained relationship that causes strife. If we're all a little more open about our struggles, then we can all help each other a little more!

My prayers today are prayers of praise and for continued healing of our relationship. What about you? Is there something or someone you'd like lifted up? I'd be honored to walk this path with you. Leave a comment with your needs or email me at dfrieling1@gmail.com.

A little bit of housekeeping: Several people left comments last week and I couldn't reach you because your blogger profile is set up as "no-reply." Click here to read a post that describes how to change this feature and start getting responses to your comments.

Happy Valentine's Day! Now go eat some chocolate!