Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Marriage and Resentment through the lens of Transparency

How often do you think about your wedding day? If you're not married, you may think of it often as you dream of the details and relish in the anticipated gushy feelings. But if you are married, do you ever let your mind wander to your magical day?!
Isn't it hard to believe that those gushy feelings will subside one day and may be replaced with scary feelings like, "Oh my goodness, I'm not sure I even like this person anymore."?

It's Transparent Tuesday, friends. My transparency today has to do with a sticky topic...the 7 year itch. Guess what?...I experienced it like no other. I vividly remember desperately crying and telling John that, " I wasn't sure I even loved him anymore." Yes, those words actually escaped my lips!

Let's rewind the clock 7 years and take a peek at that phase of life for us. Bryn was 3y.o. and Reed was  15 months old. Enough said, right? I had toddlers draining every last ounce of my being. I was being physically touched all day long. I was giving, giving, giving all day, both emotionally and physically. By the time John arrived home from work, I was really tired of giving and resentment set in. 

Instead of talking about these feelings, I let them take root and begin to take up space in my heart. Hence, the conversation that horrible night when I uttered the worst words ever to be spoken throughout our 14 years of marriage. How did John react? Honestly, I think God put earmuffs over his ears because to this very day he swears he's never heard me say them. My ugliness would have crushed him, yet the sound of my voice didn't even register during that tiny second of our conversation. How is that even possible?!

Once I shared my feelings and let go of my resentment, our marriage was finally able to begin healing. John made it very clear to me that divorce was NOT an option between the two of us. Pretty sure he informed me of this within the first month of dating. He had lived it as a child and didn't want to live it as an adult.

Can I just tell you how happy I am that he was so convicted with his feelings? His ability to hold steadfast has carried us through to where we are today. When I was running yesterday, I was praying for him as I typically do. I thanked God that he created a man that I love more today than I did even on our wedding day. Our ups and downs and bumps and bruises have molded us into the couple we are meant to be. Are we perfect? Heck no! We're just willing to put in the hard work that marriage deserves and requires.

If you're feeling the itch or realizing that resentment has its ugly hold on you and your marriage, please allow me to pray for you, friend. Leave me a comment or send me an email: dfrieling1@gmail.com. Prayer is an amazing weapon during your most difficult times.


Paisley Print Shoes said...

Wow what beautiful honesty! I'm not married but am sure there are probably many people out there who will resonate with this post. Thanks for your boldness! Blessings!

pam {simple details} said...

Your faithfulness, vulnerability and attitude are an inspiration every single week, my friend! We could've used those earmuffs at our house a few times! :)

Lisa @ Shine Your Light said...

You are so sweet to share about your own marriage Dana. I am so glad your marriage was strong enough to weather difficult times. We recently had close friends divorce and I think seeing their agony, the years of resentment and anger that had built up, reminded us to take better care of our own marriage. Its so easy when you've been married for a long time, and especially if you have kids and a busy life, to take each other for granted, to not put any effort into the relationship. We are working really hard to connect and be tenderhearted with each other. But I'm with Pam - we could still use earmuffs once in a while!

Cassie @ Primitive & Proper said...

bravo to you for sharing... i know i have had times where i have started to doubt my love. the bad part is i never doubt chris' love for me.... i feel like i know i have it. and then i feel guilty for doubting my love. but usually it comes down to me just being stressed and i get a little looney when i am stressed. i tell chris, he helps me out, and then i feel better. :)

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...
Blogging tips